Today I wanted to write about writing novels, or at least my attempts at writing novels. Here’s the thing…anyone who knows me might say “What does she know about writing novels? Honestly, I have read some of her stuff and it is not printworthy…it’s barely even readworthy!” and they would be right, I know nothing, or everything, depending on how you look at it (didn’t someone say that everyone has a novel in them and knows enough to write a book? Funny how I never heard about him / her actually writing one…). But then, who’s to say I won’t become the next big thing? Just because my latest venture comprises of a wheelchair bound detective (with chronic Excessive sweating ) who base-jumps to catch his suspects – he’s not really wheelchair bound of course, but I thought that that might take up a few hundred pages and I was right – doesn’t mean I won’t be. Look at Twilight?

Sometimes, though, when I sit and stare at the blank white screen…I panic. I panic because I know that what I am about to write can only be written at this moment in time while these thoughts run through my head. I start to wonder…what if I make a cup of tea and start writing then with those thoughts in my head, will the book be any better? Will something miraculous happen where all the plot twists get solved just because of one tea bag?

Then usually I just start writing because you can’t procrastinate forever, can you?

Last week I witnessed a truly bizarre happening. I was standing in town when all of a sudden the heavens opened and it rained so hard that the roofs above us sounded like a kind of steel band playing. It was as though a bomb had gone off, in a way. And I understood that, but what I did not understand was what happened next. The rain stopped but according to the reactions of people…it was still coming just as hard!

I was sheltered under the roof of a shop and the girls near me were saying:

“We can’t go yet, we don’t have umbrellas!”

Then the other said “let’s risk it!”

The first one said “no way! My hair will get ruined even if it is hardly raining!”

How silly! It was like it was raining with Hair loss medication …medication that had gone off and would in fact remove all the hair with just a few drops!

Now, I would love to say that I have never witnessed the English rain fear before but sadly that is not true. I have seen it time and time again, and I think it’s getting worse!

The answer? I am not sure. But I think that they may be issuing helmets soon so some terrified English people can go out in the rain…

It began like this:

“Hello,” I said, “pleased to meet you.”

The man looked at me as though my head was slowly falling off at the neck and I had really bad acne scarring .

“Excuse me?”

I spoke louder and this was my second mistake:

“I SAID HELLO!”

He pulled away, but he had nowhere to go. Then he looked up at the open window and for a second I half wondered if he might try and squeeze out of it (he was almost obese, so I hoped he would not).

“I heard you the first time, but we don’t really do the Hello thing in England.” He turned away. I looked at him until he looked at me. “What?”

I said “sorry about that, I was only being nice.”

He said “well thanks, but it’s lost on me.”

I almost wanted to cry, but as I was getting off the bus another person, a nice lady, tapped me on the arm and whispered “he’s a right grumpy git that man, I wouldn’t worry. You can say hello to me if you like.”

That was all it took and I was happy and smiling again.

What a shock. It was explicit and I loved it! However, when I sifted through the sex and honesty of it all, I came to realise there was more to this book than I originally thought. This, to me, was a true perception of postmodernism and the way the sexes work within the world nowadays. The idea that a man would spend his whole life devoted to pleasing women was almost taboo. It was so rare! Reading through it, Golden, the author and main character, understood that sometimes women aren’t as complicated as men like to make out. These women had found a release and he was it. He didn’t take this to heart, he enjoyed and made a career out of it.

Previously, people would have looked on this as disgusting, but reading this book, I came to realise that there are some men out there that understand. And he raises a fair point … why shouldn’t women have that release without feeling guilty? Another thing which shock me was the amount of acceptance from his family and friends. Of course, his friends were all from the same circle but when his family found out, they were proud that he had made this much effort to please different people in the world. He came from a perfectly normal upbringing in the Isle of Wight and moved into a surreal world of posh lunches and rich women in London who were used to regular appointments at thread vein removal uk. Just slightly different.

After reading this I had a mixture of feelings. I was still recovering from the amount of sex in the book but also, I had a strange feeling of empowerment as a woman. Why shouldn’t we expect someone to please us? If we have the money and have a bad break up then why shouldn’t we employ someone like Golden to enhance our lives. And then I decided research the book to find out some more about it. A true story?! Surely not? But it was. As I read on I discovered that every word of the story was true, as were the clients and the parties and his gigolo friends. This ruined the book for me. Imagining some tall, dark, handsome gigolo running around for his clients and satisfying them with his skills was good for me, I enjoyed it. But when I saw that he was real, looked nothing like I had imagined and that he had appeared for the UK to see on This Morning my little imaginary world was shattered. And the reality of the entire book was thrown into question.

Whilst browsing the internet I came across a rather interesting blog relating to conspiracy theories. This is not the first time I have come across such sites, but I often find the writer is ranting about government corruption and making claims they don’t - or can’t - prove. Conspiracy Theory Watch doesn’t do that however. Instead there is a clear and in depth assessment of the conspiracy theory, rounded off with a rational conclusion. But not only that, all the statements they make in the articles are backed up by links to newspaper reports from the mainstream press.

What I liked about this blog was that not only is the content interesting, but it’s factual. For example, one article is about the mysterious death of Italian banker, Robert Calvi in 1982. Some of you may recall Calvi was found hanging from Blackfriars Bridge in London and an inquest concluded it was suicide. Conspiracy Theory Watch links to evidence that Calvi’s death was not a suicide, but that he was killed by members of the mafia. But the case goes deeper than that. Mainstream newspaper reports link Calvi with senior politicians in Italy and even with the Vatican. The content of the article and the depth of the conspiracy theory is almost unbelievable on its own, but when you follow the links to newspaper reports and discover the contents of the article are true, the facts are astonishing.

I hope Conspiracy Theory Watch continue to produce stimulating articles like this one as not only was it a riveting read, but a real eye-opener. It has made me rethink my views of governing bodies and the dark forces that run the world. The depth of corruption is unbelievable. Those in a position of power are in a position to abuse that power! You wouldn’t even begin to believe what they are saying about the Gas oil industry…